Wednesday, November 28, 2007

100 Things About Zach

1. I'm currently bored out of my mind, and I'm not sure where this exercise will take me.
2. I have terrible insomnia.
3. I get so bored that I just eat a lot after midnight, or 1, 0r 3am.
4. Sometimes I wake up in a pile of pretzels and edamame and I wonder where it came from.
5. I have an incredibly fast metabolism. Eating a lot puts it into high gear and sort of tricks me into being sleepy.
6. I never exercise. I use to like it and I have a gym pass for probably the next three years, but every time I go I feel like I'm going to be eaten alive from the stares and I run out after 10 minutes.
7. I should tell the gym I went on a mission and see if they will give me two years worth of credit.
8. I doubt I'll actually do this. I am lazy.
9. I am also a procrastinator. I procrastinate everything. EVERYTHING.
10. I even hold it as long as I possibly can to go to the restroom. Squeeze tighter, don't breath so hard. Okay I can make it another 30 minutes.
11. I wrecked Malibu Sue last month. She needs extensive cosmetic and medical surgery. Feel free to donate funds to the cause.
12. When Malibu Sue dies, God Bless her soul, I want to take her to a demolition derby. Then I will bury her in a plot adorning her name.
13. I never really liked my BYU experience. I never related with the people. They thought I came from a different planet and I the same of them.
14. I am sure I would have done far better and tried more in a different environment.
15. I miss my house in Provo. Sometimes I drive by it and miss it.
16. My house was dubbed the Crystal Palace because it was mostly white.
17. I don't call it that much because I'm worried someone will think that means it was a Crystal Meth Palace.
18. It wasn't. I've never touched Meth, but their commercials paint a good picture of me.
19. Meth users have erratic sleep patterns and mood swings. So do I but I have practically perfect skin, don't work at a gas station, and don't know how a crack pipe works.
20. When I was younger I announced that I was running away from home.
21. My dad told me they adopted me from cell block C-3 (a letter and number that have forever been burned into my memory).
22. I drove off on my big wheel in search of the purple walled room that I pictured I had come from, realized I had no idea where it was, and was back home within the hour.
23. I love sparkling water. I wish I had one in my hand at all times.
24. I also love clothes and spend re-damn-diculous amounts of money on them.
25. I need to move somewhere. I don't think there is anymore for Salt Lake to offer me. Suggestions are more than welcome.
26. I also need an incredible graphic design job.
27. I really think that I want to be an architect when I grow up.
28. Blue is my favorite color.
29. I just read the Toa Te Ching.
30. Now I am reading Bhagavad Gita.
31. Most people reading this post probably don't believe that I read.
32. Throughout most of High School and College I rented movies instead of reading the books. Voluntarily reading is a big step for me.
33. Once, in 10th grade I saw one of (rhymes with) Rammie Mocutt's quiz answers so I changed my answer to match hers and I got it wrong. I have never cheated since.
34. I have always been intimidated by her and her smarts.
35. I was voted to be Captain at the Christa Mcauliffe Space Center twice. Once on the class field trip and again for Space Camp. It was a very big deal.
36. I want to rent out the CMSpace Center and have my next birthday there. I would be Captain.
37. One of the aliens accidentally spit directly in my mouth because he was yelling so hard and I almost threw up.
38. Ernie is very messy. Bert is very clean. I've always identified more with Ernie.
39. Celebrities make regular appearances in my dreams at night.
40. I try to watch equal parts Entertainment television and CNN.
41. To date a politician has never made an appearance in my bed.
42. I hate the sound of vacuums.
43. I was voted most fashionable in High School.
44. I match my sock and underwear to my clothes.
45. I lose everything. Keys. Phones. Ipods. Clothes. My ID. My sanity. On a regular basis.
46. I visit everyday.

47. I hate microwaves. They confuse me and the food that comes out of them is always third rate... at best.
48. Technology often frustrates me. Buttons and cords and more buttons and more cords give me headaches.
49. On the other hand I can't wait for the future to finally get here.
50. I will be the first in line to purchase a "Beam Me Up Scotty" machine.
51. I also can't wait to purchase my George Jetson style getting-ready-for-the-day-and-getting-ready-for-bed-machine.
52. I am a skier.
53. I have never been snowboarding and every winter I tell myself that this will be the winter that I try.
54. I only make one New Year's resolution a year.
55. Resolution 2007: Stop shopping at Walmart. The lines are long, I can't find anything, and everyone is ugly. I quit cold turkey.
56. I do not know what I am going to resolve to do differently in 2008.
57. I have self diagnosed long torso syndrome and I have a hard time finding shirts that are long enough.
58. I also have big feet. My shoe choices are limited as to not look like Ronald McDonald.
59. It is true what they say about big feet.
60. I like my fingernails. I don't like when people have little stubby ones.
61. I like vegetables more than I like fruit.
62. I know the difference between to, two, and too.
63. I also know the difference between there, their, and they're.
64. I specifically remember Mrs. Heinzig teaching me the difference in 1st grade and have a hard time understanding why this is such a difficult concept for so many people to grasp.
65. My middle name is Dukepoo. No, really.
66. To many I am known by the name Sharky.
67. If someone is a bitch to me I Shark Attack them.
68. When I was in elementary school a man in an eggplant colored Camaro tried to kidnap me.
69. I ran all the way home as fast as I could and never looked back.
70. I was walking home from an after-school program called "Young Astronauts".
71. Sometimes I really like my alone time.
72. I heart New York.
73. I figure I would need a spare $30M to get the apartment that I want there.
74. I adore mid-century modern furniture.
75. I have a lot of wants and not too many needs.
76. I wonder if anyone will actually read all of these things and if it will inspire someone to write a best selling biography about me.
77. Tunes are rad. I like listening to them.
78. I remember when I started driving and gas was 84 cents/gallon. Oh how I long for those days.
79. I also remember using the card catalogue system. I do not long for those days.
80. I once put a library call number on a Krispy Kreme box and put it on a shelf at the BYU library.
81. One semester I told my professor about a tragic fire that consumed my house and most of my portfolio was inside. I got an A.
82. I use to be a tow head with perfectly straight hair.
83. Now it is dark and wavy and unruly and I hate it.
84. I need a haircut. It is going through an awkward/I-wear-a-hat-all-the-time phase.
85. Sometimes I swear like a sailor because it makes people laugh.
86. I hate team sports.
87. I use the word hate a lot. Does that make me filled with rage? Or do I just need to hit the dictionary and thesaurus.
88. If they built Jurassic Park I would totally go to it.
89. I am a founding member of the Institute of Fun.
90. In high school my friends and I would play dress up and go out in public and "conduct surveys for Chris...Cannon" or dance on tables at JCWs.
91. I am glad that we were not drinking because we would have annoyed far more people and done even more embarrassing things.
92. I am allergic to cats.
93. I don't really care for animals that are pets.
94. I've always wanted to get a new car with a big red bow on it.
95. I want to be more green.
96. I've always wanted to be in the "I Saw You" section of City Weekly.
97. I collect random business cards, but only if they make me laugh.
98. Eleven is my favorite number.
99. I wonder if aliens have ever been to the planet Earth.
100. Italian is my favorite cuisine.


Annika Louisiana said...

Zach- the insomnia must run in the family...cuz it's 1:32 and I'm up reading your blog- i should be going to bed because i have school and work tomorrow...but come on that is SO overrated! 100 things about Zach was amazing! thank you for letting us have a look into the real you! said...

You should consider going to Grad School in California

Chelsea said...

Insomnia IS in the family. I am a sufferer myself. I wish I would have read this last night! Instead I am tired from reading who knows what and my kids love Mr. Sunshine and rise the second he pops over the cactus. I absolutely enjoyed your list. 100 more reasons to love your guts more! ANd and idea for a new location: The Woodlands, Tx. Come be my neighbor! :)

gurrbonzo said...

I think you should move to toronto! Canada is nice, and Toronto is NYC but cleaner.

I want you to know how happy I was to read 31 because when I read 29 and 30 I called bull.

You were voted Captain twice? Bastard.

Anonymous said...

insomnia is in the family....i completely agree. i love your blogs. how i long for the days when we go to blockbuster and wendys for rootbeer floats and then watch marie antoinette till super early . i miss you and the family!!
i will think long and hard about the 100 facts about me too share...just wait for that sweet blog. :)

Chelsea said...

I just posted and had you in mind while working on it! :)

Ashley said...

Yes, this is a reminder of why we are BFFs.