Saturday, August 2, 2008

Ever seen the movie Pure Luck?

Sorry guys, my blog has been pretty lame lately. I've been insanely busy. I've been hit by a car, drive by egged, had the hood of my car flip up on the freeway and pretty much every other outrageous thing that you can think of. I got a new phone and I just barely learned how to use it. The offices of Dukepoo and Associates can now return your calls and text again.
The other day I left work at lunch because I thought I was going to die or pass out or have a seizure. So instead of doing something dramatic, like projectile vomiting on my computer, I decided to go home early. All I wanted was to be home in bed. But the universe had other plans for me.

Malibu Sue decided to over-heat on the freeway. She has been in critical condition after a nasty car wreck last month and her internal organs couldn't take it any longer. After a tow truck ride, waiting around at mechanic shop, and trying to stretch $3 at the Asian supermarket I received the news. Malibu Sue is dead. Her ashes will be scattered across the Pacific in a ceremony celebrating her life and bravery. Farewell sweet princess!

So sometime soon I am going to be sporting around a new ride, well an old ride. A blast from the past. No, not the Ferrari. I'm gonna be driving the Insurance Bug. So come one come all, step up to the line. I am no longer a homeless gypsy. Hotel California is almost set up for visitors. If you're lucky, I'll even take you on a ride down the coast in the Bug.

(I don't know why it is purple. It is actually still a red car.)

Saturday, May 31, 2008

I'm changing my name to Awesome

Dear readers,

I suggest you sit down if you are not already doing so... I HAVE A JOB! Yes, the kind where you get up in the morning and go to a building and you do this thing called work with these people called co-workers. Weird. I know, the concept is kind of new to me and I am super pumped up about it. (Can I hear a "Pump, pump, pump it up!")?

I got a job in La Jolla at the University of California San Diego as a graphic designer. Woot! Woot! I am not a failure.

I was beginning to think that I would forever remain a gypsy. I thought that maybe I was one of those people that smell bad and doesn't know it. One of those people that should be named Valerie Schmeltz. One of those people that is mentally retarded and doesn't know it. Well, turns out I'm not. Or if I am, I was finally able to trick enough people into thinking otherwise and now I can be a responsible citizen with something to offer the world.

My sister, Amanda, told me that now I don't have to decide between eating or buying deodorant. I am thrilled to be able to do both, and to be designing again (because I'm pretty damn good). It will be fun to explore the University because there are tons of cool buildings, and I'd like to get started on my Masters in Architecture before I turn 50. Check out the photo of the library below, meanwhile I will concentrate on being awesome.

Yours truly,

Dr. Awesome

Thursday, April 17, 2008


It looks like I have plans on the grassy knoll this Sunday.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Mrs. Buckner

When I was in elementary school we lived near a reclusive staunch Jewish woman who was an artist. Mrs. Buckner was very private, lived in a dark home and always answered the door the same way by saying, "What do you want?" with her hand on her hip. Every Friday was cookie day. She made chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin, and peanut butter. My friends and I looked forward to this event on the way home from our after-school "Young Astronauts" program. You had to go to the back door by her kitchen which made it feel even more exclusive. Over the years the abrasive "What do you want?" started to sound friendly and she made cookies for as long as she was able. One day I heard she was sick, so I dug up flowers from my mom's flower garden, put them in mason jars and brought them to her front door. I was greeted with the same "what do you want?" then she started to cry. I didn't know what to do so I left the flowers on her doorstep and ran. When she became too old and ill to make cookies, she still answered the back door. If there were no cookies, she would make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Mrs. Bucker was one cool bitch and I want to be her someday. The crazy artist. Hopefully not reclusive. Hopefully my significant other does not leave me through an unexpected death that devastates. Hopefully I will not live in a dark dingy house. It were once operating and less sad home. And one day, hopefully, I will make cookies for people and greet them however I damn feel because Mrs. Buckner made us all feel just a little more special.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Please be safe...

This post is likely not "work safe" or "BYU safe", however I find the message relevant and captured beautifully. In my experience, I also find it important to note that prejudice is the largest side effect of a preventable disease. Please. BE SAFE. If you don't respect yourself today, you may have a harder time respecting yourself tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

California dreamin'

In case you are not in on the loop, I'm living in San Diego now. I have communication problems. The day before I left my sister called and said that she had heard from one of my dad's employees that I was moving to San Diego. This was the first she had heard the news. Then as I was packing my car my brother asked, "Where are you going?" as if he expected a response along the lines of "The local market." So now I am informing all of you. I moved.
I went to the DMV the other day. Quite the experience. Plebeians a plenty. I have a driver's license but I still don't have a Von's card. I don't think they need to track every grocery I purchase, so I enter the phone number 8675 three oh nine. I go there daily to get my tub of ice cream and be a fat girl that watches American Idol. The checker lady is starting to think we are friends. She calls me by name and even tells me how much I saved each time. Last night she said, "Thank you Mr. Dandy. You saved $1.14." I smile, nod, and wish her a pleasant evening. My receipt has the name Jim Dandy circled on it. Today she said, "Hi Jim, you're back." I have a new alias.

Monday, March 3, 2008

I've been tagged.

1. 10 years ago:
I was 15. Wishing that I could drive myself everywhere already. I don't know how many hours (days, months) of my life were spent waiting at the Rec Center until someone remembered to pick me up from swim team.

2. 5 things on my “to-do” list today:
Eat some jelly beans.
Return my missed phone calls.
Vacuum my room.
Read The Money Book for the Young, Broke & Fabulous by Suze Orman.
I will probably only get around to the first two.

3. Things I would do if I became a billionaire:
Build a house.
Buy some cool wheels.
Philanthropy, not sure what, just a cause that is larger than myself.
Have my cake and eat it too.

4. 3 of my bad habits:
Not returning phone calls.
Neglecting my laundry to the point where I just start buying new underwear.
Driving my car as far as possible with the gas light on.

5. 5 Places I have lived:
Pleasant Grove
American Fork

6. 5 Jobs I have had:
Lifeguard & swim instructor
Rick Albrecht's gopher
Graphic Designer
I think that is all of them.

7. Something most people don’t know about me:
There are a lot of people. I am sure most of them don't know anything about me. Consider yourselves lucky.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Escuchen a la musica, por favor.

Ashley told me that there was a dance to Soulja Boy's Superman. I was unaware because I live in Utah and it is 99% caucasian... well that and I don't watch BET or listen to the radio. I shuffle updated my ipod and it currently has the greatest strangest mix ever. One minute it is Telepopmusik (MUST WATCH) the next it is Metallica playing with the San Francisco Symphony. Now I need to learn how to crump AND do the Superman!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Tasty Tuesday

One of my favorite sites is TasteSpotting. Everyday it has trillions* of new pictures of food that look muy delicioso. Usually the pictures link to the recipe or a site where you can buy the tasty treats. Some of them look too good to eat, while others a bit too exotic for my taste buds. Foodies rejoice and enjoy!

*denotes exaggeration

Monday, February 11, 2008

Crystal Island

Because I am interested in all things architecture/design and my BFF, Ashley, is interested in all things Russia, I thought I would share. The world's largest building is about to be built in Moscow by Foster+Partners. Many other firms make drawings and announcements to build the biggest, the baddest, the something-est in the entire universe and they never come to pass, but Foster+Partners have a wonderful history of designing out of this world projects and actually building them to completion. It is not going to be the tallest building in the world, but it is going to be the world's fattest building and possibly even its phattest building. Naturally I question projects with plans to be the biggest. In a world where we should be aware of the possibility (and reality) of climate change, the biggest-ugliest-most badass of things often seem excessive. Excessive, like my barely over 5 foot tall mother's Diesel powered Excursion with a lift kit. But the plans for Crystal Island are filled with green, Earth friendly, people friendly design elements like solar panels and wind turbines to generate power and atriums that act as natural ventilation and insulation for the building. The building's size has a purpose too, it is a barrier that is meant to protect people from extreme weather and the pollution has made living conditions in the area undesirable and unhealthy. It is a city within a building. So cool, rad, right? When it is built maybe I will want to go to Russia with Ashley. Something to see besides the sword shaped bottles of vodka that she tells me about, but I must admit they do sounds pretty cool.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Wait...You're allowed to do that?

On one hand I can't believe that some people are allowed to have children. On the other hand I can see myself being the parent that would help his child make one of these skateboards. I always wanted a floating skateboard like Marty McFly's, but this is the next best thing. I think the kid says, "I'm proud to be an American" which is equal parts disturbing and awesome. Thoughts?

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Dear readers and adoring fans, I've been neglecting my blog for a while because I didn't think I had really been up to anything very blog worthy. I thought I could give you all a post about my New Year's resolution, but I procrastinate and haven't really come up with one for two-thousand-great. On the 1st I decided to quit smoking. Cold turkey. It was a pretty easy fix, considering I didn't smoke in the first place. So, until I come up with a better resolution I'm going with my success story: I quit smoking. Cold turkey.

Sundance was killer this year. I'll tell you all about it another time because it deserves it's very own post, but don't feel like it right now.

Inspired by Amanda's blog, I thought I'd share with you my pick for best TV program. I just discovered Head Case on the Starz! network. It is a program about a celebrity therapist named Dr. Goode played by Alexandra Wentworth, who happens to be the real life wife of George Stephanopoulos. Stephanopoulos, Stephanopoulos, Stephanopoulos (say it ten times fast) also writes for the show. Dr. Goode's life is a wreck and she gives ill-advice to her mostly washed-up, non-A-lister celebrity patients without ever actually listening to what they are saying then she makes them believe that they have problems which don't really exist. You can watch the first episode here. Everything from the stereotypical wardrobes to the decorating of the office is genius. If you have ever been to therapy you will definitely relate, and if you haven't I urge you to for the added laughs.

Also, who is excited for the premiere of LOST tomorow? I can't wait.