Saturday, August 2, 2008

Ever seen the movie Pure Luck?

Sorry guys, my blog has been pretty lame lately. I've been insanely busy. I've been hit by a car, drive by egged, had the hood of my car flip up on the freeway and pretty much every other outrageous thing that you can think of. I got a new phone and I just barely learned how to use it. The offices of Dukepoo and Associates can now return your calls and text again.
The other day I left work at lunch because I thought I was going to die or pass out or have a seizure. So instead of doing something dramatic, like projectile vomiting on my computer, I decided to go home early. All I wanted was to be home in bed. But the universe had other plans for me.

Malibu Sue decided to over-heat on the freeway. She has been in critical condition after a nasty car wreck last month and her internal organs couldn't take it any longer. After a tow truck ride, waiting around at mechanic shop, and trying to stretch $3 at the Asian supermarket I received the news. Malibu Sue is dead. Her ashes will be scattered across the Pacific in a ceremony celebrating her life and bravery. Farewell sweet princess!

So sometime soon I am going to be sporting around a new ride, well an old ride. A blast from the past. No, not the Ferrari. I'm gonna be driving the Insurance Bug. So come one come all, step up to the line. I am no longer a homeless gypsy. Hotel California is almost set up for visitors. If you're lucky, I'll even take you on a ride down the coast in the Bug.

(I don't know why it is purple. It is actually still a red car.)

Saturday, May 31, 2008

I'm changing my name to Awesome

Dear readers,

I suggest you sit down if you are not already doing so... I HAVE A JOB! Yes, the kind where you get up in the morning and go to a building and you do this thing called work with these people called co-workers. Weird. I know, the concept is kind of new to me and I am super pumped up about it. (Can I hear a "Pump, pump, pump it up!")?

I got a job in La Jolla at the University of California San Diego as a graphic designer. Woot! Woot! I am not a failure.

I was beginning to think that I would forever remain a gypsy. I thought that maybe I was one of those people that smell bad and doesn't know it. One of those people that should be named Valerie Schmeltz. One of those people that is mentally retarded and doesn't know it. Well, turns out I'm not. Or if I am, I was finally able to trick enough people into thinking otherwise and now I can be a responsible citizen with something to offer the world.

My sister, Amanda, told me that now I don't have to decide between eating or buying deodorant. I am thrilled to be able to do both, and to be designing again (because I'm pretty damn good). It will be fun to explore the University because there are tons of cool buildings, and I'd like to get started on my Masters in Architecture before I turn 50. Check out the photo of the library below, meanwhile I will concentrate on being awesome.

Yours truly,

Dr. Awesome

Thursday, April 17, 2008


It looks like I have plans on the grassy knoll this Sunday.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Mrs. Buckner

When I was in elementary school we lived near a reclusive staunch Jewish woman who was an artist. Mrs. Buckner was very private, lived in a dark home and always answered the door the same way by saying, "What do you want?" with her hand on her hip. Every Friday was cookie day. She made chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin, and peanut butter. My friends and I looked forward to this event on the way home from our after-school "Young Astronauts" program. You had to go to the back door by her kitchen which made it feel even more exclusive. Over the years the abrasive "What do you want?" started to sound friendly and she made cookies for as long as she was able. One day I heard she was sick, so I dug up flowers from my mom's flower garden, put them in mason jars and brought them to her front door. I was greeted with the same "what do you want?" then she started to cry. I didn't know what to do so I left the flowers on her doorstep and ran. When she became too old and ill to make cookies, she still answered the back door. If there were no cookies, she would make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Mrs. Bucker was one cool bitch and I want to be her someday. The crazy artist. Hopefully not reclusive. Hopefully my significant other does not leave me through an unexpected death that devastates. Hopefully I will not live in a dark dingy house. It were once operating and less sad home. And one day, hopefully, I will make cookies for people and greet them however I damn feel because Mrs. Buckner made us all feel just a little more special.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Please be safe...

This post is likely not "work safe" or "BYU safe", however I find the message relevant and captured beautifully. In my experience, I also find it important to note that prejudice is the largest side effect of a preventable disease. Please. BE SAFE. If you don't respect yourself today, you may have a harder time respecting yourself tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

California dreamin'

In case you are not in on the loop, I'm living in San Diego now. I have communication problems. The day before I left my sister called and said that she had heard from one of my dad's employees that I was moving to San Diego. This was the first she had heard the news. Then as I was packing my car my brother asked, "Where are you going?" as if he expected a response along the lines of "The local market." So now I am informing all of you. I moved.
I went to the DMV the other day. Quite the experience. Plebeians a plenty. I have a driver's license but I still don't have a Von's card. I don't think they need to track every grocery I purchase, so I enter the phone number 8675 three oh nine. I go there daily to get my tub of ice cream and be a fat girl that watches American Idol. The checker lady is starting to think we are friends. She calls me by name and even tells me how much I saved each time. Last night she said, "Thank you Mr. Dandy. You saved $1.14." I smile, nod, and wish her a pleasant evening. My receipt has the name Jim Dandy circled on it. Today she said, "Hi Jim, you're back." I have a new alias.

Monday, March 3, 2008

I've been tagged.

1. 10 years ago:
I was 15. Wishing that I could drive myself everywhere already. I don't know how many hours (days, months) of my life were spent waiting at the Rec Center until someone remembered to pick me up from swim team.

2. 5 things on my “to-do” list today:
Eat some jelly beans.
Return my missed phone calls.
Vacuum my room.
Read The Money Book for the Young, Broke & Fabulous by Suze Orman.
I will probably only get around to the first two.

3. Things I would do if I became a billionaire:
Build a house.
Buy some cool wheels.
Philanthropy, not sure what, just a cause that is larger than myself.
Have my cake and eat it too.

4. 3 of my bad habits:
Not returning phone calls.
Neglecting my laundry to the point where I just start buying new underwear.
Driving my car as far as possible with the gas light on.

5. 5 Places I have lived:
Pleasant Grove
American Fork

6. 5 Jobs I have had:
Lifeguard & swim instructor
Rick Albrecht's gopher
Graphic Designer
I think that is all of them.

7. Something most people don’t know about me:
There are a lot of people. I am sure most of them don't know anything about me. Consider yourselves lucky.