Public Service Announcement

I have something to share with all y'all. It is a trick that I use all the time, but I often neglect to share this secret with others.

Google text. Does everyone know about this? Because you should. You can get everything from restaurant locations to movie times to definitions of words that you don't understand.

Here is how it works.

For restaurants, businesses, etc.

Text: restaurant. city, state

or

restaurant. zip code

then send to GOOGL (46645)

Magically you get the address and phone number texted back to you.

For definitions of words you may not know

Text: D. floozie

or

D. mystery word

send to GOOGL (46645)

Bling-a-ling! You have a text. It says:

Glossary:

floozie: streetwalker: a prostitute who attracts customers by walking the streets

Source:

worldnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Genius right? You should use it, the reasons are five-fold.

1) It is a cinch.

2) It is free. (Just your standard text messaging rate, but I think most people have unlimited now).

3) It is super fast. Usually under 2 seconds wait time.

4) You will have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips at all times.

5) It is the technological equivalent of an ancient-Chinese-cure-all-remedy.

In other news...

Is Stephen Glass at it again? Today CNN reported on a woman named Kelly Lynch.

Hanged witch in Massachusetts sparks allegation of 'hate crime'

In the state made famous for persecuting witches in the late 17th century, a modern day sorceress in Massachusetts is burning mad about a neighbor's Halloween decoration depicting a witch hanging from a noose, calling it a hate crime against her religion.

"I want to see him take it down," said Kelly Lynch of Chicopee, Mass. "Look at what's going on in Louisiana. That would be the same thing. If a black family had ... crosses outside of their house or nooses hanging from their trees, it's basically the same thing."
The witch is hanging from wooden gallows in front of a home on East Street, but Lynch finds the decor offensive.

She told WSHM-TV she's been studying witchcraft since she was a child, and says it's her way of life.
"We're not casting spells against people, we're just worshipping the moon, the goddess, the Earth," she said. "Just like the Christians, Muslims, people have their own religion."

When Lynch saw the lifelike witch hanging in effigy in a neighbor's front yard, she went to his door to confront him.
"He told me that people should lighten up, and that it's a Halloween decoration. You know, to hang a witch from a real gallows and to have that as your only Halloween decoration, is kind of odd."
But the homeowner reportedly is not caving in. His neighbor, Kevin Belder, says he has every intention of keeping it up.
"He shouldn't take it down 'cause one person got offended or a lot of people got offended," Belder said. "I think it's funny."
If the owner doesn't remove the witch from its noose by Halloween, Lynch says she plans to protest outside his home, adding it's not only a hate crime against her religion, but offensive to the entire community.
"Why depict a violent death in your front yard for little kids to see?"
Between February 1692 and May 1693, more than 150 people in the British colony of Massachusetts were arrested and imprisoned for alleged engagement in witchcraft. Courts convicted 29 people of the capital felony of witchcraft, with 14 women and five men executed by hanging.
The King James Version of the Bible recounts an Old Testament direction to put witches to death, stating, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." (Exodus 22:18)

This is either the greatest news story (read hate crime) ever stumbled upon by reporters or Dr. Seuss hit God in the head with a rock and started writing the story. Lynch the Witch lives in Massachusetts. Shouldn't she have other resources at her disposal?

You look like a terrorist, and you smell like one too!

I use to have this job, designing news graphics. I wonder if people scrutinized my work the same way. LOL. Makes me laugh at some of the decisions that I probably made while I worked for Chanel 2. Like the time that I posted a picture of Omar Sharif, the actor, and the story was about Sharif Omar, the terrorist. In half of his movies he is in the desert wearing a Turban and I am no connoisseur of the golden age of film. The director and everyone else on the dance floor (err, news room floor) was freaking out, telling me the station could be sued for at least 2 million dollars. In retrospect I should have been making far more money if I had the ability to make 2 million dollar mistakes. I hope my next job will pay me 2 million dollars. As a signing bonus, preferably.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

I love the Lone Peak Press and their journalistic integrity to only bring us the hard hitting news of Highland, Alpine & Cedar Hills. If it isn't the Cox/Dickson Wedding or an article about the Husband and Wife Intimacy Center that just opened then it is this: a canine clergyman. No really, he officiates weddings in Highland and you too can have your pets' nuptials officiated by the illustrious Reverend Tyker. If you are interested, please visit his website and you MUST SEND ME AN INVITE!!! Apparently anyone can become a minister online with a little help from The Universal Life Church. Even dogs. If you so choose to take this calling of ministry in life please heed the advise and warnings posted on their website, my favorite:

"Please only ordain others with their permission. This includes public figures as well as cartoon and other fictional characters."

This is serious business that could be met with some confusion at the pearly .com gates as I once had a seminary teacher and a dog named Charlie Brown.