Some friends gave me a t-shirt that says "Napping, it's my day job" and I got to thinking I'll just retire early, like now. Seriously, it doesn't sound like a bad deal and I'm sure I could find plenty to do with my time. First, I could finally get that Jazzy Scooter* that I've always wanted. My mom would never let me play on them at the grocery store, but I would have my own and I'd take it everywhere with me. I'd wear my velour suit with pride, maybe a World War 2 hat and tell people crazy stories. I could spew socially inappropriate things and tell someone when they look fat or gaunt, and no one can be offended. Or maybe they are, but at least they would laugh at my off colored jokes most of the time. Like when my Granny-Granny told me she smelled "like a damn Mexican" because she'd been eating chips and salsa. (Yes she is also the one who says that I look gaunt and gives my sister clothes because they are "much too large" for herself.)A typical day would consist of:
Golfing
Mall Walking with fellow retirees
Picking up my prescriptions
Scouring the park with my metal detector
A little Home Shopping Network, adding to my rare collectible coin collection.
I would definitely take advantage of the youth in my neighborhood. They could cut my grass and rake my leaves and I would let them call it service work. Don't worry, I'd let them know that I am appreciative to their slave labor by carrying around gum and quarters that I would hand out. Pretending like I think that a quarter is still a lot of money, of course. Maybe I have senior citizen and retiree confused, but I still want to cruise around town on a Jazzy Scooter and wear gigantic sunglasses.
*Please note the name of the man pictured mid-article. He is totally teaching me how to do that.
